The past couple years have been brutal in too many ways. I've often felt like I was underwater, beneath a frozen surface, and the ice wasn't thin enough to bust through for air. I could see the world and everyone move on around me, feeling left behind or forgotten.
In many ways my situations have been self-imposed, but always with the best intentions for everyone involved, though I may have taken the long way 'round and at times gone about it all wrong. Despite how rough my days have been, I will always believe that everything happened for a reason, that I've come out stronger in the end, and my reason for the choices I've made has been met. While there have been difficult times, there have also been many beautiful and happy days that I never want to take for granted or forget. Now, it's my turn to do for me again and find my happy place once more. For me.
I've been submerged for what seems like forever, putting others first, neglecting my own needs and ultimately draining myself of much needed energies. It's just who I am, though I can't always tell when I've pushed my limits so far that I lost my hold, and lost myself, somewhere along the way.
It's always been a two steps forward, one step back process, though I never gave up hope that I would eventually feel the full breath of air in my life again. The light at the end of the tunnel is just now starting to peek through the darkness, slowly getting brighter, and whispers hello to me in an almost forgotten language.
Feeling moments of true happiness has become alien to me, but I welcome them and I know that their visits will be more frequent as time passes. Before I know it, I'll start to forget what it was like to be lost in my own sacrifices and resulting misery. It may be a slow process, but as long as there's forward momentum, I have no doubt that I will find my way to where I belong.
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